Ekrem Çulfa Aile Evlilik Çift Danışmanı                  Tel: 0533 373 81 23  E-Posta:ekremculfa@gmail.com

Communication, which has a great share in all the developments that have taken place since the beginning of its history and is still taking place, can cause great problems when used in an unhealthy way.

In today's conditions, our communication mistakes that we ignore, do not care about, do not care or simplify, affect us greatly by causing a complete breakdown of relations and even an increase in hostilities.

The fact that the most basic expectations are not met both in our family-marriage life, in our bilateral relations, in our friend groups and in our other social environment creates some wounds in the person. It may be inevitable that the wounds caused by communication errors will be reflected in the language during communication. In fact, this reflection experienced in communications can go up to communicative failures, problems, showdowns and then some breaks.

What are the Basic Communication Problems in Bilateral Relations?

To find the basic communication problems, let's focus now on where the communication problem started and how it continues. Excitement is at its peak! Here's a tip: As we all know, there are often some emotional responses we expect in our relationships. Is not it? Huh huh… or Yaaa Yeettt, I can hear you say. When we do not get the emotional responses we expect from the person or partner we are in a relationship with, there are two options; We either suppress our emotions or fight to get that response. The war we fight to get what we want, language in communication; it can be reflected in the form of a critical, responsible, accusatory and even egocentric attitude. When an effort is made to determine the culprit and to show that he is right, two parties have already formed in the relationship automatically. However, love cannot be biased even if we want it. Two people who have decided to walk on the same road cannot be on different sides and on separate fronts. This is where the beginning of miscommunication or unhealthy communication that can be dangerous for the relationship begins.

One of the basic rules of sustainable, healthy and ideal communication is to create an area of ​​trust. If our communication space is not secure, we immediately feel alert. This feeling pushes us to stay on the defensive or to cope with the feeling of not being understood.

Creating a safe space in a relationship starts with knowing that the other person is there willingly to listen and understand us. If we want to have a healthy communication, we need to know that we will be understood and not judged during communication. Couples who provide this trust also need to show continuity in their relationships.

Where are technical mistakes made in communication in bilateral relations?

The main mistakes made during communication can be listed as follows;

1-) FOCUSING ON THE PAST AND CONTINUOUSLY OPENING OLD BOOKS:

Focusing on the past and constantly opening old notebooks can bring together the discussion over and over again about the problems that have been experienced in the past, but which seem to have been solved when looked at. Thus, couples put solving their current problems in the background. As a result, this is nothing more than adding a new problem to the unresolved problems. Is not it? Just like I hear you say.

2-) BEING DEFINITELY, IGNORING:

Each person has a set of defense mechanisms that they use specifically. Contempt, disregard, avoiding and ignoring are some of them. Evaluating the thoughts, feelings, and reactions in the face of any event, situation and attitude in relationships causes us to see the effect of the situation on our partner, and at the same time, we cannot provide the right communication and cause some communication accidents. Of course, there will be differences in thought, emotion and behavior patterns between partners, but empathizing will make it easier to understand and be understood, and it will show that the issue is not actually to make the other party accept a behavior, emotion or thought, but only to be listened to and understood by the partner in a healthy way.

3) LOOKING AND BUILDING WALLS:

If you officially eliminate communication by being offended or building thick walls. Now you and your partner are both alone with an unresolved issue. Besides, you didn't even leave a defense area. What do we do in this situation? First of all, start the solution by thinking about what this situation will give you. In this case, one or both parties may experience a feeling of guilt. Someone with a sense of guilt has a hard time unlocking the full potential of what they can do for the relationship. Let's always keep this in the back of our minds, remember that when people feel safe by nature, they can work more easily. 4-) JURISDICTION BY GENERALIZING, ACCLAIMING:

Judging or blaming by generalizing throws a person into despair. It even causes him to see himself as inadequate and always like that. On the other hand, when we talk about judgment and blame while communicating, we have to accept that the other person will listen to us not to understand but to defend himself. When we encounter sentences of accusation and judgment, we immediately activate our primitive brain. While this situation causes us to break from thinking rationally and come under the control of emotions, anger and anger begin to dominate people. Thus, the conclusions we need to draw from the event may vary. However, in the basis of communication, what is told to me is important, not what I understand.

5-) READING THE BRAIN:

Finally, we can talk about a behavior that is a big problem, which we can call trying to read the brain or thinking instead of someone else. He doesn't love me anymore so he acts like this, he's angry with me and doesn't talk to me because he wants to punish me etc. our behavior of trying to know without knowing the real thoughts of the other person about us...

In fact, if we want a healthy communication in a relationship, we should say stop to these attributions that we often refer to in our daily lives. If, despite everything, you are experiencing communication, harmony, etc. problems in your relationships, you can make an appointment individually or as a couple by calling our professional helpline +905447243650.